The Mirage of Self-Acceptance

We all have heard this, "Accept yourself the way you are." But what happens when what you think turns out to be a fact far away from reality? This happened to me a couple of days back. A few incidents showed me how I had a mirage of self-acceptance in my mind. My mind was profusely poured with regrets and guilt after knowing this. My self-talk was blaming and loathing me like a devil. I was unable to sort out the mess that was happening in my mind. I was overwhelmed with emotions like a flooded river. This led me to take pause and look at the situation in neutrality. So whatever words I will weave here would be the outcome of that pause and neutral point of view. 

Many times, we think we have accepted ourselves unconditionally. But some triggers pin the notional bubble of self-acceptance that we usually create in our heads. Self-acceptance is about accepting your strengths and weaknesses; accepting your bright side and a grey shade; accepting your successes and failures; accepting approvals and rejections; accepting your flaws, shortcomings, and imperfections. 

I was under the illusion of being in a state of thorough self-acceptance. I was almost convinced that I had accepted myself thoroughly. But the reality was way different than what I had thought. Due to a few triggers, I started questioning my acceptance level and as soon as the triggers got pulled, the bubble of self-acceptance got burst. I experienced sheer disappointment within. This shed some light on dishonesty as I was consistently lying with void promises of self-acceptance.

The pause and neutral point of view helped me a lot to come out of this distorting situation. Moreover, following realizations proved to be a game changer.

Take a glance at them one by one,

1.     I am human. I am bound to make mistakes. My life will be imperfect. I do have flaws. But I shall learn to be okay with them.

2.     Assuring myself that I accept myself the way I am is very important. By affirming so, I permit my heart to open up a bit to accept my shadow self.

3.     What can I do as I have understood that I haven’t accepted myself? This was a thought-provoking question that popped up in my mind that led me to find solutions to learn unconditional self-acceptance.

4.     I was thinking, I am too late to rectify my mistakes. But I realized that there is always room for self-improvement and self-evolvement. I can jump-start this rectifying journey at any time. Because better late than never!

5.     Constant check-ins are important to check whether what we think is in tandem with reality or not.

6.     Pilling up emotions inside will only lead me to get confused. Sharing emotions with trustworthy connections helps a lot to gain a whole new perspective.

7.     It is better to stop thinking than force the brain to think when emotions go haywire. Here pausing a bit to look at the thoughts turns out to be safety guards.

8.     Foggy mind lacks clarity and pushes me into a black hole of helplessness, and hopelessness. Hence, giving some time to the thought process gradually clears the foggy mind. 

9.     It is vital to allow me to feel the guilt, and to feel the repentance. They act like a lighthouse for the direction that I ought to take to be in the right state of mind.

10.  Learn to draw the line to understand where to stop when the brain is falling prey to self-blame. This boundary will help to bounce back to be on the right track mentally.

11.  When internal sources seem drained out just reach out to the external resources to get guidance. External resources can be in the form of journaling, meditation, and talking to near and dear ones.

Self-acceptance is the process that requires consistent practice and constant check-ins with yourself. Being in a state of self-awareness helps a lot to be happy and content without much self-complaining.

Following is the pledge to remind yourself daily:

“I accept myself with all my flaws, weaknesses, and strengths. I affirm and claim unconditional and conscious self-acceptance.”

Write the above pledge on sticky notes. Stick them on the wall, refrigerator, or near the work desk. You can take printouts of the affirmation to keep in the diary or books that you are reading currently. You can take a picture of the sticky notes to keep it as a home screen or lock screen of a cell phone or wallpaper of a laptop and desktop. You can write this affirmation daily in your journal. All these ways will help you to register in your mind the constructive changes that you would like to make. Have a look at this pledge multiple times a day. 

Let’s recap what we learned here,

Awareness of mental state and the reality check.

Acknowledgment of lack of understanding about self.

Contemplation/ Introspection to pause and look at the situation neutrally.  

Action plan for corrective measures to recognize the areas of possible rectifications within. 

Practice…Practice…Practice! 

I strongly believe and trust that we can surely learn to accept ourselves the way we are. I have decided to stick and adhere to my intent of unconditional self-acceptance because I have decided consciously to walk the talk!